Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

[Paddyofurniture]

I am going to steal this one.

[Brigand]

It's a very old joke. I have heard a Boer war version and a Spanish American war version. I wonder sometimes if the Romans had a version.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, use it in good health.

[Paddyofurniture]

Thanks is good to know.

My Grandfather was in the Boer War and I hope he laughed when he hear it.

It's a very old joke. I have heard a Boer war version and a Spanish American war version. I wonder sometimes if the Romans had a version.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, use it in good health.

[m-37Bruce]

Tony never met a camel he didn't like ....

[Paddyofurniture]

To much information.

[Monkey Man]

Tony never met a camel he didn't like ....

OK, Bruce is on the hit list now, I am sure we can find a suitable line to write him into

MM

P.S., I have met camels before, odd critters and they have that nasty spitting habit so I didn't bother getting within a few meters of one, I am not a fan of horses either, nice enough to look at and lots of people own them but I heard somewhere they are dangerous at both ends and sneaky in the middle, seems like good advice to stay away from them to me.....

[m-37Bruce]

I can take it, I think? I have a neighbor with a few camels, they are some strange critters.

[Paddyofurniture]

I hear that camels are the "ship of the desert", full of military surplus semen.

[Master Yota]

I hear that camels are the "ship of the desert", full of military surplus semen.

Groan...

[Brigand]

With Deer season fast approaching I thought I'd offer this little gem.

Merle and his friend Ludlow go out hunting one day. They packed the truck with all the supplies two fellows could possibly need, namely two cases of beer, some jerky, two rifles and ammo and some deer urine. Pleased to be out in the woods away from nagging wives and squalling kids our boys had covered a lot of ground and weren’t quite sure of where they were. In fact with all the beer they had consumed and being wrapped up in conversation they were pretty well lost. But at least they were making good time and the beer cooler was getting lighter all the time. Finally, late in the afternoon they came upon a stand of trees that adjoined a quiet meadow. The meadow it seemed was a popular deer hangout because there were nearly twenty does and half a dozen bucks of good size and with substantial racks.
And so as stealthily as two drunks of questionable intelligence could manage they crept into position to take a shot. In the process Ludlow tripped on a tree root and fell and discharged his rifle causing the deer to scatter. “Damn!” Hollered Merle, “That’s a whole afternoon of stalking shot to hell. Why can’t you be more careful?” Not a word from Ludlow. “Err Ludlow?”…. But no answer came from the prostrate hunter. Merle checked and sure enough Ludlow had been on the receiving end of his own bullet. And he wasn’t looking good either. Quick as a flash Merle whips out his cellular phone and punches nine-one-one, the woman who answered said in a very businesslike manner “What is the nature of your emergency?” “It’s my buddy Ludlow” Merle wailed “He done fell down and shot his self! I think he’s dead.” “Now remain calm” the dispatcher soothed. “You need to make sure he’s dead. “ Merle wailed again “ But there’s so much blood and he really don’t look good” The operator insisted “we have to make sure sir” There was a long sigh and a pause on the line and then a shaky voice said “alright if you say it’s got to be done I’ll go.” The operator heard the sounds of Merle’s heavy feet tromping through dry leaves and then silence, then she heard a click and then a deafening boom. All was silent on the line until she heard the sounds of the phone being picked up and Merle’s trembling voice saying
“Okay, I’m sure he’s dead; ….now what ?”

[Brigand]

In honour of Tony's natal day and given his penchant for strange libidinous (look it up) humour. Here's one that's right up his street.

A young cowpoke was getting the itch pretty bad, so he asked the trail boss how soon they would be in Abilene so he could find himself a woman. The trail boss sighed and said it’s a pretty far piece before we reach Abilene, at least three weeks maybe more.
The cowboy replied that he didn’t think he could last three weeks without going loco.
The Trail boss told him “There’s always Hong Lee”. ‘The cowboy said “You mean the cook’s helper? I don’t think I could do that” and rode off back to the herd.
A few days later he told the trail boss he had reconsidered. “How many people would know if I decided to do it?” The trail boss leaned back in his saddle and did a little mental arithmetic and said ”Well let’s see, There’s you and me of course, and Hong Lee he’d know for sure and then there’s the four cowboys that have to hold Hong Lee down.”

[Monkey Man]

Scary Brigand....Scary.....

Tarzan and Jane finally met, she was lost in the jungle, he, King of the Jungle saved her and they fell for each other and decided it was time to get the physical side of the relationship sorted. Jane was curious as to wether Tarzan would know what do to as he had never seen a woman before asked him what his experience was. Tarzan said "see that tree over there, it have hole, Tarzan use hole, Tarzan happy...."
Jane was thrilled that Tarzan knew what to do and she could get what she wanted so bad and told Tarzan to do what he had always done and make her happy and she laid back, legs separated somewhat in anticipation.
Tarzan then quickly ran up to her and gave her a bloody good solid kick in the whatsit, rolling around the floor in agony Jane screamed "What the 'F'ing hell did you do that for!!!!!"
Tarzan Say - Ummmm, Like always, Just checking for Squirrels.....

MM

[m-37Bruce]

Dang squirrels!

[Monkey Man]

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman name Brigand (aka Bob) was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent Bob a token of appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and money. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned Bob who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent Bob a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. Bob was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and said, "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds and money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street."
To this the Arab replied, "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.."

MM

[Paddyofurniture]

When Boudreaux was Courting Clotile


One day when Boudreaux and Clotile were courting (before they got married), Boudreaux went to visit Clotile at her house.

Boudreaux and Clotile were sitting in the living room talking. Boudreaux was on his best behavior -- trying to make a good impression on Clotile.
When Clotile left the living room for a while, Boudreaux was looking around the room and noticed there was an old Hammond Organ in the corner. Boudreaux noticed that there was a fish bowl filled with water on top of the organ with something floating on the surface of the water.

Boudreaux walked over to get a closer look and noticed that the object floating in the fish bowl was a condom.

Puzzled, Boudreaux went back to his seat.

When Clotile returned to the living room, Boudreaux and Clotile continued their conversation -- but all the time Boudreaux kept thinking about that thing in the fish bowl.

After much of the evening passed, Boudreaux's curiosity got the best of him and he asked Clotile, "Mais, Clotile, whats dat ting doin in dat fish bowl up dere?"

Clotile replied, "Mais Boudreaux, let me tell you about dat. One day I was walking down de road down by de bayou and I found dat ting on de side of de road. Mais, you know I picked it up and brought it home. I read the writing on de package and it said 'For prevention of disease - put it on your organ and keep it wet.'. So I put it up dere and you know, Boudreaux it really works yea -- I haven't had a cold in over a year now!"


PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.

Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

Always looking for military manuals, Dodge M37 items,books on Berlin Germany, old atlases ( before 1946) , military maps of Scotland. English and Canadian gun parts.