Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

[Master Yota]

Dating a Stripper is kind of like eating a noisy bag of chips in church; everybody might criticize, but deep down, you know they all want some...

[Paddyofurniture]

Truer words where never spoken!

[Monkey Man]

Girls don't poop........

MM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKLnhuzh ... r_embedded


And it's got a website......
http://www.poopourri.com/

[skinnedknuckles]

How she does it with a straight face, I dunno I'd be laughing till I cried

[Sal]

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying
that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex with her.




A Hospital spokesman replied, "Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight."



Sal

[Monkey Man]

Brigand was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear has his way with him. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.

Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Bob. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."

Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his way with him. Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered.

Now Bob is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Bob, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

MM
(C'mon Bob, I am sure you can retaliate and fire a joke salvo at me )

[m-37Bruce]

Tony, Tony, Tony, sounds like you've done a little hunting yourself?

[Monkey Man]

Yes Bruce, I thought it was a while since I stirred Bob up so I rattled his cage with that one, I am sure he will give back as good as he gets.......or he pissed at me and will chastise me accordingly.......

MM

[Brigand]

Okay Tony, Here's one where you're the star.

Tony had always wanted to be an adventurer; He was smitten with the stories by Jack London and all the tales of the Yukon and Alaska. And so he tied a couple cans of Fosters and a big jar of Vegemite into a bindle and off he went. He managed to work his way to Sydney and using his wit and natural bullshitting ability he gained passage on a cargo freighter headed for Seattle. From there it was no difficulty for the “Monkey Man”.
When he landed in Anchorage he made a bee line for the nearest trappers bar and announced his arrival to all assembled there. That’s when a big man with a big beard and a bad attitude went over and picked Tony up by the shoulders and held him nose to nose.
The big man said “I’m Red and I’m going to lay out the rules for you chee chalker! If you want to join our band of trappers you have to be tough”. “Tough!” says Tony, “I can drag, shag and shear a sheep in three minutes flat, and that’s a Ram”.
Red replied “Well laddie we got no sheep up here just snow and vicious animals. This land doesn’t fancy humans and Mother Nature’s tilted the board in her favor. If you want to sign on here you have to be strong, virile and you have to be able to do whatever needs doing. And you must take a test, and a manly test it is. You must first drink a quart of whiskey, then you must wrestle a grizzly bear to the death and finally you must make love to an Eskimo woman.” Red put Tony back on the ground and said “Well, will you take the test?”
Ever plucky Tony agrees and the test began immediately. The bartender handed him a quart of one hundred eight proof Badger Piss brand whiskey. And true to his word Tony drank it down in less than ten minutes. When he had finished the whiskey he staggered out of the bar and out into the wilderness to perform the second part of his challenge.
Three days later, bleeding from various claw and teeth marks and his clothes in tatters he dragged himself back through the doors of the saloon. Still drunk he starts pounding on the bar and hollering for Red, who appears and asks “well boy, are you ready for part three?”
“You bet I am” says Tony “Now where’s that Eskimo woman you want me to wrestle."

[Brigand]

In the interest of accuracy I must clarify a few details.

Okay so the freighter was a sheep trailer he rode into Hobart. The saloon was actually an Oomph coffee house where he got all tanked up on cappuccino and threw a jar of that obscenely expensive coffee that passes through the colon of a lemur or something at the Barista. Red was a cross dressing dwarf who looked like Gimley from LOTR. And the bear was an innocent unsuspecting wombat just minding his own knitting.
Other than that it’s reasonably accurate.

[Paddyofurniture]

More than I need to know.

[Master Yota]

...But amusing as all hell...

[Paddyofurniture]

You got that right Brother!

[Monkey Man]

Well Bob, that joke is comparable to a smack down, I had no defence against it LOL, it'll take me a while to get another worthy effort to taunt you with, be patient
In the meantime.....

An angry looking Texan walked into his crowded local bar,
waved a revolver around and yelled,
"Who in here has been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the bar yelled back,
"You're gonna need more ammo!"

MM

[Brigand]

All in good fun Tony. I laughed my self silly over the Polar bear.

Here's one on the Pommies.

During WWII a British officer found himself in the command of an Australian platoon.
Conditions were harsh in the desert and there were few comforts. All the men could do was drink Arab coffee, play cards and worry about Rommel.
One evening the Major called the Sergeant to his quarters and asked how the men were doing. “As well as can be expected under the circumstances sir.” The sergeant replied.
The Major then asked a bit sheepishly, ” What do the men do for female companionship?” he went on, “I mean we’re so far from the village and well….” He trailed off. The Sergeant being a long timer knew what the major was hinting at and told him. “Well Sir, there is an old camel in camp, she’s fairly docile, she hasn’t thrown any of the men Sir, if you know what I mean. I’ve made use of her myself” the Sergeant blushed a bit. “Very good Sergeant” replied the Major “That will be all” and for a fortnight life went on unchanged in the desert. All that time the Major had been pondering the camel and the Australian fondness for ovine companionship, finally one evening he beckoned the Sergeant over and said “please arrange for the camel to be brought to my quarters this evening. Dutifully the Sergeant complied. And shortly after Last post was sounded the Sergeant led the camel to the rear of the Major’s tent. Then the Sergeant remembered something and struck off purposefully. Upon his return with the bridle the camel was nowhere in sight. Then he heard the camel grumbling from within the Major’s tent. When he entered the Major’s tent he was shocked to see the Major standing on a chair, trousers down, servicing the camel. “Good heavens man!” roared the Major “how dare you enter my quarters without knocking”. The Sergeant protested “But Sir, I had no idea you would be ….well sir, doing that!”.
“Nonsense Sergeant! You told me yourself in this very tent, that you had made use of her.”
“I did Sir I won’t deny it, but Sir” he said “We use the camel to ride to Al Aziri to drink Date wine and meet the prostitutes.