Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Discuss all non M37 related issues here

Moderators: Cal_Gary, T. Highway, Monkey Man, robi

Monkey Man
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1100
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:10 pm
Location: Launceston Tasmania
Contact:

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Monkey Man »

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?


Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.!

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, 'Who is that man going into the barn?'

'That fellow traveling through,' said the farmer. 'needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn.'

The daughter said, 'Perhaps he is hungry.' So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn. And she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. 'How could he leave without even saying goodbye,' she cried. 'We made such passionate love last night!'

'What?' shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, 'I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!'


The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....


‘LAIDTHEOLADEETOO'
Trained Monkey on Guard
dodgem37@netspace.net.au
just me
1SG
1SG
Posts: 1195
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 4:25 pm

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by just me »

The police officer radioed in that an old woman had shot her husband for walking on the freshly mopped floor.
The dispatcher radioed back asking if he had arrested her.
he answered "No, the floor is still wet."
"It may be ugly, but at least it is slow!"
Carter
1SG
1SG
Posts: 1840
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2007 4:48 am
Location: Southeast Corner of Penn's Woods

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Carter »

The US Army announced today the formation of a new 900-man elite
fighting unit, called the USRSF (United States Redneck Special
Forces).

These Mountain boys will be dropped off in Iraq, with plenty of cold
beer, ammo and weaponry. They have been given only the following facts
about ISIS:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4.They hate beer, pickups, nude women, country music, college football, March madness and Jesus.
5. AND, they are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the ISIS problem in IRAQ to be more or less over
by next Friday.
Carter
Life Member:
Delta, Peach Bottom Fish & Game Assn.
Brigand
SGT
SGT
Posts: 179
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2007 9:10 am
Location: Northwest Nevada

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Brigand »

My oldest grandson came up with this : Why did the depressed man pull off the highway?........He needed a shoulder to cry on. (rimshot) try the veal.
Brigand aka Bob Thompson

I would never join any club that would have me as a member.
User avatar
m-37Bruce
1SG
1SG
Posts: 2340
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 8:21 pm
Location: Midlothian,VA

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by m-37Bruce »

Brigand wrote:My oldest grandson came up with this : Why did the depressed man pull off the highway?........He needed a shoulder to cry on. (rimshot) try the veal.

Groan ....

:oops:
Bruce,

1953 M-37 w/ow

Retired Again

Keep Em Rollin'

VMVA
just me
1SG
1SG
Posts: 1195
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 4:25 pm

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by just me »

Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…

Love,

Mom. _______________________
"It may be ugly, but at least it is slow!"
just me
1SG
1SG
Posts: 1195
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 4:25 pm

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by just me »

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed, hung his head and left Socrates alone.

This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.
"It may be ugly, but at least it is slow!"
Sal
SFC
SFC
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:22 pm
Location: N.Y.

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Sal »

One day a young woman had just started playing her round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'

'I was stung by a bee', she said.

'Where?', he asked.

'Between the first and second hole', she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said,
'Then your feet were too far apart.'

:mrgreen:
1954 M37 WO/W
1969 M101A1
1967 M416
Monkey Man
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1100
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:10 pm
Location: Launceston Tasmania
Contact:

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Monkey Man »

Meanwhile on that same golf course later in the day....

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden . . . POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?

Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life ... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"

THEN POOF! ... she was gone. After Dave got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend Fred. "Fred, where are you?"

Fred yells back, "I'm over here, in the pussywillows."

Dave yells back......

"DON'T SWING FRED!!! For God's sake, DON'T SWING!!"
Trained Monkey on Guard
dodgem37@netspace.net.au
Brigand
SGT
SGT
Posts: 179
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2007 9:10 am
Location: Northwest Nevada

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Brigand »

I can't remember if this one has been posted here before. If so I apologize in advance.

Two old timers, Earl and Leon were sitting at a table in a café Earl had been pensive most of the day. Finally and Earl looks over at Leon and asks him how long they've known each other.
Leon replied "well it's been a long time, I was with you when that mule tried to stomp you to death, and when you were horned by that big old Elk. And I was with you when that A-frame you built to lift stone blocks collapsed and just missed crushing you. And I was there when your barn burned down with your new tractor inside and also when your first wife run off with the Fuller brush man."
Earl was quiet for a moment and then he said, "That's all true Leon, and you know something? I have come to the conclusion that You're bad luck."
[/size]
Brigand aka Bob Thompson

I would never join any club that would have me as a member.
Monkey Man
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1100
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:10 pm
Location: Launceston Tasmania
Contact:

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Monkey Man »

I am sure Brigand can relate to this one as can many others.....

http://www.youtube.com/embed/2kpjnGWPmj0

MM
Trained Monkey on Guard
dodgem37@netspace.net.au
Brigand
SGT
SGT
Posts: 179
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2007 9:10 am
Location: Northwest Nevada

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Brigand »

Great presentation MM, thanks for posting that.

Here's one you might like ,

I saw an old banged up crew cab with what looked like a half dozen Rednecks with less than 32 teeth between them. There was a fresh decal in the windshield "G". That's when I realized it was the new ridesharing service for hillbillies.........Guber.

(sorry, I wasn't able to get an umlaut to appear over the "u".)
Brigand aka Bob Thompson

I would never join any club that would have me as a member.
52PLOWERWAGON
SFC
SFC
Posts: 549
Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2015 1:56 pm
Location: upper mi

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by 52PLOWERWAGON »

I went to Walmart yesterday

and they needed to see an id to buy wd-40 :roll: :roll: :roll: :evil:
Thanks,TRAVIS
When it comes to gambling I don't play the Powerball, I play the Powerwagon

1952 M37 FARM TRUCK
230 W/THRUSH EXHAUST, DELETED HEAT RISER AND 12 VOLT IGNITION

1941 WC RATROD
w/ 5 TON MULTIFUEL TURBO DIESEL
Monkey Man
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1100
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:10 pm
Location: Launceston Tasmania
Contact:

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by Monkey Man »

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the
Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under
the arms.

This is a true storey about a new employee Lena who was
hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory, after she clocks in for her
first day on the job, promptly at 8:00 am.

That same day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel
Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins
to rant about the new Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so
the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there
the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the
factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of
Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge
bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the
little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes
of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena ..

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you at your
interview yesterday...'


'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles. :roll:
Trained Monkey on Guard
dodgem37@netspace.net.au
User avatar
m-37Bruce
1SG
1SG
Posts: 2340
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 8:21 pm
Location: Midlothian,VA

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine.....

Post by m-37Bruce »

Whoa!
Bruce,

1953 M-37 w/ow

Retired Again

Keep Em Rollin'

VMVA
Post Reply